Wednesday, 21 August 2013

More Than Just Clothes

I firmly believe that looking like a Bombshell is more than the clothes and what accessories you pair them with.  The biggest part, to me, is the personal confidence and how you feel about yourself and your body.

Two years ago, I went to the gym every day. I watched what I ate even though I was still on a residence meal plan.  I lost 20lbs and I felt amazing.  I logged my weight every day in a graph, and I loved seeing the trend line sink down.  Once a month I did Benchmarks, pushing myself hard to see how many sit ups or push ups I could do before I gave out and it was amazing seeing how much stronger I was getting.

Then, I had a housing crisis that I'm not going to get into.  Needless to say, I couldn't get to the gym every day.  Now, two years later, I'm slowly gaining back the weight I fought so hard to loose, and I'm just as weak as I was when I started going to the gym.

But the worst part is the way I feel.  I feel a little angry with myself, but mostly I'm just embarrassed.  I'm embarrassed by the way I look, about the number on the scale and the way my stomach jiggles.  And I'm scared.  I know that if I don't get this under control I'll be right back up where I was when I started going to the gym.  That is something I can't handle.

This is not how I want to feel.  And this is not how I want to look.

Back at Christmas I'd realized I was having a lot of 'fat days'.  I'd decided enough was enough and since I'd recently come into a hand-me-down Wii, I put WiiFit on my list.  Instead I got a gift card for Walmart.  It took me a couple months to finally get the game.  I few days later I'd tried to set it up and run into issue after issue until I gave up.  Last night I decided enough was enough and I set it up.

Now, in my tiny living room, I am going to play WiiFit every day.  I've gotten my scale out, and I've started tracking my weight again.  Right now, those numbers hurt.  But this morning was a tiny bit better than yesterday.  Just a daily fluctuation, but it was still a nice way to ease the pain.

I can't wait to start seeing that downward trend line again.

I have about 50lbs to loose until I'm at the goal weight I set three years ago when I started going to the gym.  That is my end goal still.  But my first goal is a little simpler.  By the end of the month, I want to loose something.  I don't care how much, I just want to weigh in at less than I did yesterday.